From a former student...a letter of appreciation

For those of you who don't know, this is Teacher Appreciation Week. I received the best Teacher Appreciation gift yesterday from one of my 2011 graduates. This was the inbox message I received from Ms. Stephanie. Please keep in mind that this was sent to my Facebook inbox. I did teach her to use capital letters appropriately. :-) I heard it was teachers appreciation week!!!! i just want to let you know how much i appreciate you, you helped me from day one never gave up on me even tho i gave you some hard times and never made it to easy. you taught me how to be a better and stronger person, you gave me hope and told me to never give up or your gonna kick my ass lol, you were there for me through the hard times in my life and helped me get though them. you helped me with my school work and did the best you can so i could pass. for all four years of my highschool year i had the most amazing teacher i could ask for. i wanna thank you for all your help and never giving up and doing a wonderful job, i dont just look at you as one of my teachers i look at you as a friend and someone i can always come to for help. thank you again for everything you did for me:) i love youuu lovee steph your classmate of 2011:)) It doesn't get much better than that. Thank you, Steph, for letting me know what I mean to you. Thank you for taking the time to tell me. And thank you for thinking the world of me. It means more than you could ever know.

18 months...and counting...

I haven't posted for awhile. On April 25th, we hit the 18 month mark on the waiting list. I guess I don't feel as compelled to post quickly about those benchmark dates anymore. I do add them to the dates on the side of the blog, but I just don't feel a monthly post talking about next milestone on the wait list. I guess there just isn't much to say. Our agency has given out very few referrals every month. Last month, the statistics said 2 referrals had gone out in the past month. 2 referrals. The month before that was 3 I believe. So things are moving extremely slow. And it's still going to be a very long wait. On another note, another school year is winding down. This is the end of my 14th year of teaching, but the end of the 6th year at my current school. There was a time when I swore I would never go back to teaching at the high school level. But honestly, coming to this school was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown so much as a teacher in the 6 years that I have been there. I absolutely adore my students. Sure, they drive me nuts sometimes, but overall, they are really great kids. One of my seniors has been given the Turnaround award (I think the name speaks for itself, so I don't need to describe it). I have this student in my homeroom, but I had him in my cotaught math class two years ago. I remember thinking how angry he (I will call him RB) looked all the time, and how he never talked to anyone, and never seemed to smile. I had him in homeroom and he just never seemed like an approachable kid. He moved from Mexico when he was in middle school, and started at our inner city school. He didn't have much success there, and no one seemed to really care if he was attending school or causing trouble, etc. He came to our school during his 9th grade year, and hardly spoke any English. Once I had this student in my class, I went out of my way to try to make him successful. I remember my coteacher and I thinking that RB didn't even have the basic math skills that he needed to be successful in our class. But as time went on, we realized how much of a language barrier he truly had. Not only did he begin to excel in class, but he ended up with the 3rd highest grade in the class for the semester. Gradually, we began to see a dramatic change in RB over the year. He began coming out of his shell and started to believe that he could be successful in school. At the end of his sophomore year, he wrote an essay saying that he had planned to just kind of bide his time until he could drop out at the end of that year. However, he changed his mind because he realized that "people really did care about me". When his ESL teacher shared that with me, of course I got a little teary eyed (because that's how I get about my students). As I mentioned, RB got the Turnaround award. There was a banquet the other night for the students in the county who were the award recipients. His ESL teacher told me that after RB gave his "acceptance speech", he told her that he should have invited me to be there (but he is too shy to actually do it). So once again, the water works almost started. It's a damn good feeling to know that I am one of the reasons RB stayed in school and didn't give up. He will be the first person in his family to graduate from high school. And I will be extremely proud to see him walk across that stage on June 5. Sure, being a teacher is hard and so often we have to listen to the media bash us and blame us for the problems in the economy. Or we have to hear, "Yeah but you only work 9 months out of the year. How hard can your job really be?" Well, to those who think our profession is so easy, come do my job for ONE DAY. I want to see you make a difference and be the person that makes a kid realize that he can be successful and can achieve that high school diploma. I want to see what you do when a student comes to your room crying because she was kicked out of her house and has no idea where she is going after school. Or be the one who has to call the probation officer every day because a kid who is 4 weeks out from graduation is starting to screw up. I could go on and on. I'm not saying my job is the most difficult job in the world. There are PLENTY of other jobs out there that you couldn't pay me enough to do. But if you want to bash the job of a teacher, my classroom door is wide open.

CIS approval extension...check!

Our CIS extension letter came about a week and a half ago. Our caseworker had it Fed Exed so it would arrive just before our April 5th deadline for the extension, and we had our approval letter on the 6th. Wow. I never expected it to come so quickly. And to think how much I stressed over it. FBI fingerprints (for PA requirements) were completed on Saturday morning, and the FBI prints for the dossier were completed last Monday. I haven't sent those out yet because we need money orders. I swear those are the most ridiculous things. And I'm always afraid I will fill them out incorrectly. I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not (I haven't looked back over previous entries while writing this), but the blood work I had to have completed for the medical forms was not covered by insurance. I received a bill for $282 a few weeks ago. Apparently, my insurance doesn't consider some of the tests "routine", so they won't cover it. They covered it before, but apparently that was a mistake. It's embarrassing enough to walk in there with an order slip for the tests they require. But then when you get the bill kicked back to you saying insurance won't cover it...well, it seems to take it to a new level of embarrassment. I explained to my insurance company that we were in the process of an international adoption and that I was not engaging in questionable 'extra curricular' activities that would require such blood tests. The woman at the insurance company found my comment humorous, but it didn't help my case at all. So that's another $282 added to our total adoption expenditures.

17 months...

Not really anything new to post. Our agency's monthly stats came out last week and it appears that we are somewhere around #38 on the list based on how many families were added to the wait list last month. About ten of those families ahead of us are waiting for siblings, so I guess that sort of puts us at #28. The stats said only one referral went out last month. So things still seem to be moving rather slowly. And I'm still absolutely okay with it. I'm not sure how or why, but I am. I guess I just have enough other things to keep me busy. Or once I let go of having a "time frame" in mind, I was able to relax. My students have me busy again. They are really the best way to keep my mind off of things. I am very fortunate to have a job that I love and where I feel I make a difference. And I know my students love and respect me and appreciate what I do for them. Okay, well most of them do at least. Although I hope this adoption picks up some speed, there is a part of me that hopes I am my school for the duration of the 2012-2013 school year. I'm pretty close to my group of juniors, and I want to be there to see them through to graduation. Of course, my family comes first and I would be more than thrilled to be able to take time off next year to stay home with our little one. But I am also okay with it not happening until next summer. Until we bring our little one home, there are a group of teenagers who need me as well. We worked out the issues we were having with our caseworker about a lack of communication, and that also seemed to help. The communication seems to have improved, and that alone can set a person's mind at ease. Our medicals are all updated and we are waiting for the information to request our criminal and child abuse clearances again. This will be the third time we have had to update those since we started this process. And then we will need to do our FBI fingerprints, but those do not expire until sometime in June. So we do have a bit of time, but I do want to get them out of the way just in case the approval takes a long time to turn around. Our request for CIS extension was submitted today, so hopefully we will get the approval pretty quickly as well. One less thing to worry about considering how much I have stressed about getting this approval out on time! That's all for now.

Still going...

So last week I had another moment. I got a little frustrated because of confusion of what we need and don't need to renew yet at this point since our home study is not quite at the one year expiration mark. Our case worker was out in the beginning of February, and we thought we had all of the documents that we needed, but over the last two weeks, we have been told we need to update a few things. I just want to know exactly what we need and when we need it. We are well aware of the documents that need to be updated annually for the agency, but because we are sort of in this unique situation where our documents have not yet expired, it makes things a bit confusing. I think everything is straightened out now. Usually I am a very patient and tolerant person, but when I feel like I'm not getting the full story, I get a bit frustrated. So here is what we need to do: - Get medical forms ready for dossier (Appointments are done and paperwork is completed, we just need it ready for dosssier) - Update dossier financial statement - Submit Child Abuse Clearances - Submit Criminal Checks - Submit FBI fingerprints for dossier (which can have a long turnaround time) It's not that the documents are that difficult to take care of, but it's just like pieces of a puzzle that never seems to be complete. I guess I should consider myself lucky if this is the most I have to complain about these days. But I haven't updated in a little while, so figured it was time. :-)

The acceptance phase continues!

It's amazing, but I have really been in a good emotional state since the social worker came to do our home study several weeks ago. The monthly stats came out this week, and as expected, the wait increased yet another month as we completed another month on the wait list. Yesterday marked 16 months, and the average wait has now expanded to 20 months. Sure, it's not what I wanted to hear. But I am really okay with it right now. As my friend Theresa described in her blog, it's sort of liberating because we can now make plans for the summer without having to worry about what might happen with the adoption process. We know it won't come in time for summer and we certainly won't be traveling this summer. I really think it is going to be November at the earliest until we get a referral.

So what does that mean for us this summer? Here is the list so far...

- Two graduate classes to finish my ESL certification
- Taking Praxis test for that certification
- Trip to Miami to visit my husband's family, with a trip to Sanibel Island crammed in during that week
- A week in Avalon, NJ with my family

Not the most exciting summer, but to me it feels like the whole summer is booked already. And this year, it cannot come fast enough. We considered taking a bigger vacation, but plane tickets are ridiculous right now no matter where you want to go. And we don't expect them to get any cheaper because of gas prices. But we found tickets to Miami for $147. Can't beat that.

We also need to get our medical forms updated for our home study update. Great. Just one more thing to get done before the home study update can be completed. It would have been nice if we had been told this sooner than a month before our CIS approval expires and we have to get everything submitted! But my case workers swears we will get the dates added into the home study update and send the request for extension before our April 5th expiration date. Have I mentioned that I HATE relying on others to do things for me?? :-)

On another note, my school district has started the furlough process. We will be losing about 20 teachers in our district next year because the funding to my district was cut by about $1 million this year. Gee, thanks, Governor. And if his new proposed budget passes, he will cut another $100 million from education (although he has it strategically disguised so it doesn't look like there are cuts. He is one SHADY man). We are going to lose some really good people, and it is so frustrating. If our country valued education like it should, things like this would never happen. I know I complain about my job sometimes. But I do love my job, and I feel very fortunate to not only have a job, but to have a job that I love. Not everyone is that fortunate.

Acceptance...At least for now!

I have been an emotional wreck ever since we got the email last week with the monthly statistics. When I saw that only 2 referrals had gone out last month, I lost it. I know things have slowed down a great deal, but I really thought there would be more movement than that. I began losing hope again and crying at the drop of a hat. I just keep wondering why this has to be so hard and why it is so easy for some people (and for some people who truly should not have children). I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head on Friday night, and the first thing I did on Saturday morning was email our case worker. I just laid it all out there. I asked her what the 2 referrals meant. Since there are approximately 45 families ahead of us, does this mean we are looking at another 20 months? I expressed my frustration for the lack of timely responses to my emails. I asked why we were not informed that CIS would require a home study completed within 6 months when we update our home study for our agency. I told her that we needed answers so that we could decide what was best for our family at this time.

She responded on Monday and we set up a time to talk later that day. That's when I got really emotional (and even a little nasty, unfortunately). I asked what the 2 referrals meant for us...did this mean another 20 months?? She said she thought that was unlikely. I told her I couldn't help but think that there was something we weren't being told. I see other agencies no longer accepting applications for their programs. She said that she is preparing her families who are at the 15-16 month point on the list for the possibility of another 10 months before we get a referral. My heart sunk. And I did freak out a bit. I then asked her why the families who were unable to have biological children were not being given more consideration at this time. She said it was not something that was being discussed at this time, but perhaps I should email the program coordinator. Then I asked why we were not informed about the CIS 6 month requirement, and she admitted that we had not been given that information and apologized. I could scream and yell about that one, but what's done is done. I was a mess throughout this entire phone call, but she said she understood my emotions. Although someone says they understand, it's really hard to be convinced they do understand unless they have experienced it first hand.

Anyway, we had our home study update Tuesday night. Our social worker is wonderful. She let me cry and vent. And I feel she truly understands my emotions. But she said something that finally helped me feel a bit more at ease. She said that whatever we decide, we have to do what is best for us. But we need to make that decision and just go with it. If we decide to change programs, then she would help us. But if we decided to stick out the ET program, then we just need to say "This is how long it could take, and it could possibly take even longer. But we are just going to roll with it, no matter how long it takes." It was something along those lines. And I think that was when I made the decision that we are staying with this program as long as it is available, and however long it takes is just how it is. It isn't going to do me any good to be an emotional wreck all the time because I have no answers. I simply have to accept that there may not be an answer to the time lines at this time. And although we may look at some other options, we are not leaving the ET program. We have invested too much time and money into this program to abandon it at this time.

So right now, I feel there has been a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Sure, it's still hard and it still sucks. And if we don't have a baby home by Christmas, that will definitely suck even more. But the current time lines are what they are, and it is all beyond our control. This is what I need to do at this time to keep my own sanity. And for now, I am okay with it.

But check back with me in a month and see if I still feel the same way! :-)